Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
