No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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