think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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