upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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