You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
