I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
