sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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