STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
