redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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