yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
