I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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