I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
