It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
