She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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