Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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