uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
