Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
