we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
