I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
