hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
