but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
