Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
