Duck Duck Cougar?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
