Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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