Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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