Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize