Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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