I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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