Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
