Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
