Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down