Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.