At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
