The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.