Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
