At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.