why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
