Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
