lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
