i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we're making bets on your personal life
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
