And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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