Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she peed on how many people?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
