Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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