you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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