is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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