I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
