i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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