Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
