She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drake has all the answers
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
