loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
