thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
