Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize