I'm lost and stupid without you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
