the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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