fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
