I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
