There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
