We won't sleep together?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
