can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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