i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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