Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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