i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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