3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
