I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bring money and cleavage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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