I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
