So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
